Tuesday, May 16, 2017

I was wrong: Settling isn't for me

Processed with VSCO with hb1 preset by Fleur Chelsea on 500px.com

So, a year ago my life turned 180 degrees.  Not in a 'I got a haircut', 'became vegan', 'moved out of my parents house' kinda way.  I made some god damn big changes but really the one that actually mattered was that I began to believe in myself.

I was that girl that everyone thought had everything figured out, most probably assumed that I was on my way to getting married or something. And I don't blame anyone for thinking that, as I actually believed that myself back then.  I was wrong to think that settling was the solution to my problems, that being ambitious wasn't for me. I was giving 0 fucks about the important things, but not now, not anymore.

My mom had been pushing me to get my own apartment, to stop renting as she considers this to be a waste of money.  I actually agree, but I don't think buying a property is for me because I don't want to be attached to a place. Instead of asking my mom to help me get an apartment I suggested we invested that money in my education instead.  I had been looking to get my Masters but to be quite honest none of the programs based in Guatemala interest me.

My closest friend had moved to Maastricht in the Netherlands and that is how I became interested in this school, it sounded like the perfect place but never in my wildest dreams thought that I would like it this much. I visited her back in February and immediately fell for Maastricht, there is just something about that place that is very comfortable and sorta magical. Once I came back home from the Netherlands I decided to apply for a Master in Forensic Psychology.  I remember thinking that I had always being interested in Neuropsychology and although they did have a program in this subject I thought it might be "too challenging"for me and that they probably would not accept me.  So I chose Forensics instead, thinking it would be "easier"to get in and it sounded much more interesting.

Throughout the application process I felt very chill, until of course I went online and found that the Forensic program was actually harder to get into. Somehow I had missed that part, where they only accept a maximum of 24 students a year. A YEAR! I was so insecure, the deadline for the rest of the programs had already passed so I had no plan B.  I decided to wait for them to send me the 'rejection' email, a couple of weeks went by when one day I was in the car and checked my email (I wasn't driving, so don't call me irresponsible) and there it was! I had been asked to attend an interview via Skype.

So, obviously that week was horrible, anxiety to the max and I couldn't really focus on getting prepared.  I remember not going out that weekend, staying home so that I could "prepare", obviously I didn't do anything at all. Then Monday morning I came to the office, booked a conference room and had my interview there.  I remember being terrified and worried someone would come into the room to ask me about something and interrupt the whole thing, that did not happen. But I did allow my nerves get the best of me a couple of times, I remember thinking about a video I saw on YouTube College Interview Advice from Harvard Student, this girl said something super important "these people are not your enemies, they are the ones helping you get into the school" so I managed to relax and made these people laugh and allowed them to connect with me.

I am my worst critic, so naturally I spent around two weeks thinking "I should have said this instead", "Why didn't I mentioned this", "I should have prepared more", among other horrible things about myself.  I never knew I was this insecure, I had no idea.

If you're like me, here's some advice:
1. No one can tell you what you can't do but yourself
2. Don't leave things to the last minute, invest time in this, it is for yourself and no one else
3. If you feel like you didn't have the best grades, fuck that, you can still get accepted (I did and I was no summa cum laude)
4. Ask yourself what you want, and do it
5. Get prepared but don't allow your life to be absorbed by this, get distracted, start new projects

So, anyways, I did get accepted in case you didn't figure that out already.  I am already working on getting my residence permit, sending a certified copy of my diploma and finding a place to live.  It's a lot to take in if I'm being completely honest but I am working on little badges, prioritizing and getting it all done little at a time.

 ***On a Side note, if you live in Guatemala, I am currently selling most of my things as I will be away for at least 2 years.  If you're interested in purchasing anything, leave a comment below with your email address and I'll email you the items I have available.***

Join the conversation!

  1. Hi Fleur congratulations on your admission! :) have a great trip and may life bring you great things, here´s my email:



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